Is death anyone’s favourite topic? Death has always been a heavy topic for me and most people I know shy away from any discussion around the topic whenever it comes up. It’s as though not talking about it will make it go away. I’m talking here about physical death – that of a loved one or beloved pet. There’s no impermanence about physical death. We never get to see our loved one again in this life.
This kind of death wrenches ever fibre of our being – body, mind, soul and spirit. Even when someone has been very ill and suffering, it’s still hard to let go. It’s not just me that’s experienced agonizing loss. As long as we’re alive, it’s something we all get to experience at one time or other, in one way or another. It’s the great equalizer. We wallow in grief and are inconsolable.
“I don’t know why they call it heartbreak. It feels like every part of my body is broken too.” ~ Chloe Woodward
Of course, the demise of the body is the death that drives the most “fear” into us. However, there are other “deaths” we experience in life as well. As a young person, I wasn’t schooled in loss or grief and just how I might handle those emotions. I was inexperienced. It never once occurred to me that losing a friendship or romantic relationship, a job, a place of residence, health, or even one stage of life for another could be painful or a reason to grieve. I learned this through the school of hard knocks. These are “deaths” too and we can grieve for them.
“Grieving allows us to heal, to remember with love rather than pain. It is a sorting process. One by one you let go of the things that are gone and you mourn for them. One by one you take hold of the things that have become a part of who you are and build again.” ~ Rachel Naomi Remen
No matter what the “death” is, life goes on. What are we going to do? How are we going to handle the situation? Some of us become ill, disillusioned, depressed and hardened. It takes a longer time to deal with whatever has been lost. Others though seem to have that buoyancy and resilience to bounce back quickly, face reality, and move on. I’ve always admired those kinds of people.
“When it comes to life the critical thing is whether you take things for granted or take them with gratitude.” ~ G.K. Chesterton
I realize now that that when I was a younger person, I spent too much time living in the past and what might have been. I stayed much too long wallowing in self-pity and questioning myself when a relationship didn’t work out or a job ended and pieces of myself were unrecognizable. I didn’t know how to be grateful. I’m happy to say that over time and with more experience of life and living, I have become a more grateful person. I realize that nothing is forever – relationships, jobs, ages and stages of life, health, and even life itself.
“We long for permanence but everything in the known universe is transient. That’s a fact but one we fight.” ~ Sharon Salzberg
At seventy-two years, I’m happy to be letting go more easily of illusions, bad habits, relationships that drain energy, beliefs that are no longer true for me, ideas that don’t carry the same weight for me anymore, and so forth. Day by day, I’m learning to come back to being present in the moment. When I hear of the death of someone in their late eighties or even in their nineties now, I find myself saying that he or she had a good innings. This isn’t being callous. It’s just accepting the reality of death.
“You don’t need strength to let go of something. What you really need is understanding.” ~ Guy Finley
- So you see, there’s a bright side to this topic of death. There are many things in life that we die to that are a reason for celebration. A person who has been an alcoholic for years and doesn’t drink anymore has a reason to celebrate in a big way. There’s a freedom now to live in a different and new way that is tantamount to a rebirth. This person has died to old ways of living and being. lt always feels good to grow more into who we truly are or are becoming. This comes from “dying” to those things that don’t serve us well now or didn’t in the past.
I had carried a grudge for a long time against someone who had hurt me in the past. Years ago, I had decided that it was the best thing for me to not carry on this relationship. For many years, it had been like this. Recently, I saw a Friend Request on Facebook from this person and immediately added her to my Facebook Friends.
Over the years that we had not been in touch, I came to realize that she was an angry person when she hurt me by her words. Whatever had deeply hurt her in her life came out that day and affected my sense of who I was. It took many years for this understanding to come to me and over time I’ve been able to forgive her. I’m free from the burden of whatever anger, bitterness, and negativity had been holding me captive. The old me has died. This is something to celebrate.
“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe In yourself and love yourself to become a new person.” ~ gerard way
So, the little deaths and the big and final death are part and parcel of our human existence and frailty. There are deaths that call for mourning and those that call for celebration. I’ve experienced both. Whenever we let go of old habits, ways, ideas, grudges – in short, anything that prevents us from living full and meaningful lives, there’s cause for celebration. Having said all that, life is for living. Let’s focus on living the best life we can right here, right now. Let’s celebrate our lives while we still have them and are here to celebrate. Cheers to life!
Be the celebrators, celebrate! Already there is too much—the flowers have bloomed, the birds are singing, the sun is there in the sky—celebrate it! You are breathing and you are alive and you have consciousness, celebrate it!”
