“There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.” ~ Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
I like what Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross has to say about mistakes, coincidences, and the events of our lives. As one who’s beat myself up over and over again with regard to the mistakes I’ve made, it’s very freeing. However, it’s a process. We don’t start out with the wisdom to view the mishaps, tragedies, and events we wish never happened, as blessings.
“You need to be content with small steps. That’s all life is. Small steps that you take every day so when you look back down the road it all adds up and you know you covered some distance.” ~ Katie Kacvinsky, Awaken
We all know about those small steps we took when we entered kindergarten and how long it took to get to high-school and college. Life has often been compared to a school and if we adhere to this viewpoint, we’re all learners here. We pass through all the stages and phases of our lives — childhood years, adolescence, young adulthood, middle-age, and later life in learning mode. Some of life’s learning is hard. It would be nice if life was all sunshine and roses and we didn’t have to learn through the untoward events of our lives.
“There are some things you can’t learn at any university, except for one, the University of Life… the only college where everyone is a permanent student.” ~ E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly
Difficult, uncomfortable life experiences, bring us sadness, pain, and often loss. Prime examples of this are sickness and death. We would rather not have them but they are inevitable. How do we bring ourselves to the place of learning from these events? Perhaps, it’s even harder to find the blessing.
“Each bruise is a lesson. Each lesson makes us better.” Syrio Forel, a Game of Thrones character.
However, we have the words of many people who have been willing to share openly about the lessons they have learned from illness, tragedy, and heartache and how they have been changed. Mark Nepo, the best-selling author of “The Book of Awakening” wrote a book called “Surviving Has Made Me Crazy.” This is a part of the book description in which Mark describes his journey:
It has been eighteen years since I was first diagnosed with cancer and I have never been the same. In some ways, I am still stunned to be here. And but for a hiccup of God, I could be dead and one of those I’ve loved and lost along the way might be writing this to you. So, this is not a book on how to get past illness. I’ve never gotten past it. Rather, it has turned me inside out. More humbly, this is a blanket of twigs and berries gathered on my way through the long forest. They are the few things that haven’t gone bad. And no matter how little there seems to be, I now know, it is enough. There is plenty for everyone. If the twigs can light a fire and the berries feed you, something will have passed between us…
Mark Nepo is one of those people who is an inspiration to the rest of us. Not all cancer survivors have the gift of writing as well as he does and are able to express feelings like him. In any of his written work, when he talks about his cancer journey, it’s not in some airy-fairy way. He’s acquired a great deal of wisdom along the way and transcended his suffering. He didn’t ask for cancer but he’s come through it and lived to bless others through his writing and speaking.
The American Cancer Society shares stories of cancer survivors and this is what Chrissy Dunn had to say about surviving her pancreatic cancer: “Every day is beautiful and I’ve learned to look at things as blessings that I used to just take for granted. The shoes I put on my feet, the hot water when I take a bath — every single aspect of my life is a blessing.” The word blessing is actually used here and this person doesn’t take life for granted.
Prince Harry lost his mother Princess Diana when he was twelve years old. This tragic loss affected him adversely for most of his life but in an interview with Newsweek, he said: “My mother died when I was very young. I didn’t want to be in the position I was in, but I eventually pulled my head out of the sand, started listening to people and decided to use my role for good. I am now fired up and energized and love charity stuff, meeting people and making them laugh,” he says. “I sometimes still feel I am living in a goldfish bowl, but I now manage it better. I still have a naughty streak too, which I enjoy and is how I relate to those individuals who have got themselves into trouble. Losing a loved one is very difficult, even for a prince. But despite this tragedy, he has chosen to move on. As a high profile person, he has chosen to use his role for good and be a blessing to many others.
The most remarkable story of survival is that of Holocaust Survivor, Viktor Frankl, who authored “Man’s Search for Meaning.” Despite all that he endured during that time and the loss of most of his family, he saw that we have a choice as to how we react in times of crisis, loss, and pain. This is what he observed: “We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms — to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances — to choose one’s own way.”
I, like many others, have my own painful story. I didn’t want this story but it was thrust upon me. With these kinds of stories, there’s often a “wrestling” period before a “settling” period. Even when we don’t understand the why of our particular story, let alone the blessing, we take those baby steps each day. We get up and keep going — doing what little we can. Finally, there comes a day when we can feel the pain, face it, and move on. We make a choice to choose our own way — blessing rather than curse. We change our attitude and are forever changed. That hard place was a place of learning.
