“A little while alone in your room will prove more valuable than anything else that could ever be given you.” ~ Rumi
There was a time in my life when I didn’t enjoy being alone. As a child, I always wanted to have playmates. Later on, as an adolescent, I wanted to have friends, go places, and be part of several activities that were going on. It seems that at every stage of my younger life I felt lonely if I wasn’t in the company of other people. It seemed as though I was afraid of alone time.
“We’re born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we’re not alone.” ~ Orson Welles
As an older person now, I want to think that although I wanted to be with others, I was an introvert at heart. There were hours that I spent reading all by myself and, as far as I recall, enjoyed that time very much. Over the years, I’ve come to understand that being alone constitutes solitude and does not necessarily mean being lonely. It’s nice to have friends and enjoy companionship but it’s a wonderful blessing to enjoy one’s time alone.
“Don’t think of introversion as something that needs to be cured…Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to.” ~ Susan Cain
Loneliness is a real problem in our world. It would not be fair to gloss over the real problem of loneliness that many people feel in everyday life. I myself have felt the pangs of loneliness on different occasions and times in my life. Lucky is the person who has never experienced loneliness even once in life. Loneliness is a state that we abhor because we feel isolated from others. We suffer alone and feel that nobody understands us.
No one really wants to admit they are lonely, and it is never really addressed very much between friends and family. But I have felt lonely many times in my life. ~ Bill Murray
The strange thing is that even when we’re with others, we can be lonely. Many of us have acquaintances who pass as friends but we feel lonely in these relationships. They are superficial. Meaningful, heart-to-heart relationships are few and far between. If a person is able to have even one true friend that they are able to relate to and share in a meaningful way with, they are very fortunate indeed.
“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don’t know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness.” ― Anais Nin
Not all of us suffer from the kind of loneliness that is debilitating. Those of us who like being alone embrace our solitude. Solitude is a state of being that an individual chooses and enjoys. It is very unlike loneliness. In “Walden,” Thoreau described solitude this way: “I find it wholesome to be alone the greater part of the time. To be in company, even with the best, is soon wearisome and dissipating. I love to be alone. I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude.”
It’s good to know oneself as Thoreau did. Thoreau’s life of solitude was a bit extreme but there are differing degrees and kinds of solitude. Some people enjoy their hours of solitude but also enjoy spending time with others. Some people need solitude for their creative pursuits. Ester Buchholz, psychologist, psychoanalyst, and author of “The Call of Solitude” says: “Solitude is required for the unconscious to process and unravel problems. Others inspire us, information feeds us, practice improves our performance, but we need quiet time to figure things out, to emerge with new discoveries, to unearth original answers.”
I find myself enjoying and embracing my solitude more and more these days. During times of quiet, it’s easier to get art projects, writing, and other creative activities done. It can also be a time for reflection and meditation. To become more comfortable with solitude and to embrace it more, taking long walks in Nature helps. It’s also good to unplug from all social media from time to time to ensure times for quiet within. We hear the din of other voices all the time but we seldom have the time to listen to what our own hearts are telling us.
“Alone time is when I distance myself from the voices of the world so I can hear my own.” -Oprah
Good luck with embracing moments of solitude to replenish and refresh yourself. You will be happier that you did.
(My brother, Ronald Janki’s digital painting)
